Non-Violent Communication: A Language of Life

By: Marshall Rosenberg First Published January 1st, 1999

A Living Book Commentary:

• Expressing and Receiving Gratitude
  • Example of lousy gratitude:
    • “You are brilliant” - there is no information here.
    • On the contrary, being told what you are is dangerous. It’s a box, which can make you feel confined. It does not hold you down rather than helps you grow.
  • To express gratitude well:
    • 1. Bring to the person’s attention concretely what they did that that made life more wonderful
    • 2. Say what you feel at the moment about the person who has done that.
    • 3. Say what need of yours is met by the other person’s action for which you are greatful for.
  • To receive gratitude well:
    • For some, nothing is scarier than receiving honest and sincere appreciation.
    • Automatic Response: “It’s nothing” that comes from:
      • A narrative of “deserving.” I do not deserve this.
      • A need for “humility” (that is based on hubris)
        • BUT: “Don’t be so humble. You are not that great.”
        • By accepting someone’s gratitude for your actions, you acknowledge you are not above it. Appreciate that your effort is recognized, don’t position yourself above that.
  • Overall, gratitude should come from the HEART to CELEBRATE LIFE.
  • Never express gratitude to praise, compliment, or reward for any secondary benefits.